dvoa texas triangle trip

wow, the apartment is more than 2 weeks old and still a whirlwind of crap around the place. which doesn’t really bother me because the worst of it is done –all big furniture is in place, and only the little bits need to be placed and some rearranging of closet space, etc. but it’s sort of bumming me out as the goal is not to live here longer than 6 months, so if the place isn’t fully unpacked within a month, it’s like why bother at all?  lol. i’m so not a material wealth maintenance doer type person.

so, the trip–which for this last weekend was the distraction from finishing unpacking. Chad didn’t get off work as early as we’d have liked so ended up fighting rush hour traffic in Houston for hours. by some swing of grace or luck the dallas show was to go off late, as EA updated me as i sweated out houston traffic. when we …

March 10th, 2010

Dolphins

Also “participants” it seems, dolphins, has been coming up a lot. Stepping back to see what i can do, more practically, for these beings, and it occurs to me an offering of my attention and energy -re some basic but good remnder with ogree the other daY regarding giving attention being just that, to stop and offer oneself to the other being/s to offer a link and energy via synthesis as well as whatever else one may offer. So a reminder has been scheduled to take time for this. Ties into getting back to original suspicion that the best i can do is not physical action but something even more direct or at least more n line with my nature / gifts. Also may be a way to connect with and learn from such conscious and loving beings.

March 1st, 2010

until we can figure out this food/air deal

[^ this partial (and as such, quite nonsensical) bill hicks quote comes to mind, though, as usual: seemingly random]

been thinking more about this working relationship conflict and all that nebulous stuff and several tings have occurred to me which i would like to jot down. though, thankfully, my mind does not go completely blank when i sit to recall and/or further explore ideas through writing via internet –as it does whenever i sit down to lined paper- who knows what will transfer to this snapshot format.

so… it’s a power struggle– or there are such tendencies afoot, because neither of us are satisfied with the relationship. or, we’ve each become dissatisfied with the relationship. as i try to look at what it is about her tone and criticism that bothers me, it’s this sense of the-way-the-world-works-dictate and hierarchical power schema, ultimatums. in contrast to a working network of equal beings. that said, for an ‘equal community’ there must be candor …

February 28th, 2010

subsistence is inexistant

[
^...so many good bits from SP>warlock^
...all that is pure, sure tonight, freeze in time.
shadows climb, distracting override.
instincts evolve[involved], over and over…
…
…resent that discontent.
sidestep.
define the state of things so far.
crazy things, soft spoken..override…
]

orrible fuckin day. havn’t felt this just bad/down/etc in i can’t rememebr how long -though it is lifting now, i suppose. i mean in years -like. just fucking horrible. like what’s the point and just another move to yet another apartment. what was the goal? there isn’t enough time in a day… etc, i’m thinking. or maybe it was trying to connect with meaning and order not very accessible from here. misery is the river of the world and all that. do not desire what is not necessary -think the trick is deciding what is necessary. the future is unwritten. write something. maybe it’s those horrible bc pills, maybe they’re just totally throwing my system out of whack having not been on any for so long. no, …

February 27th, 2010

family photos found

which reminds me, I finally got ahold of some digital versions of the pictures of my grandparents we found and were given while in north dakota. i’d *never* seen pictures of my grandparents this young. really a neat experience.

I didn’t even know that gma and gpa W knew each other when they were so young. This is a high school graduation picture:

We were going through old photo albums to put together a collection for the open house birthday celebration for g-ma’s 90th, and came across so many wonderful snapshots.

Spending time with grandma for her birthday -going up there- was so great and rich in many ways. It was wonderful and weird to see her house again, exactly as I remembered it –the attic steps smelled the same -Nick and I both said that, but it was all smaller, as Nick had said it seemed when he’d been up there a few years …

February 25th, 2010

hush, brain working

[^ SP quote, naturally]

omfg will someone pay me. it’s just one of those times when 5+ clients owe me for 1-3 weeks’ worth of work. i mean moving (colocating for 2 weeks too) took out a chunk and i’m working and workin (well again now, uh-hegm, with some 18 hour days), and don’t have time to unpack the frigging jumble pile of CRAP in the living room –that having been said, Squeebs was good enough to put in a few hours after his work last night and got quite a deal put away (into odd places I think have now order whatsoever, but the goal is not to live here longer than 6 months, so guess I won’t rearrange too much).

So, you get to know the something-for-nothing client pretty quick, and then there are the variations. This is a new breed, not a something-for-nothing, cuz clientX has forked over a lot of beans, yet do I not deserve to …

February 25th, 2010