don’t thank me, thank the kaballah

so there’s this chapter of GnosisII I left off at teh beginning of, though what a cliff hanger [paraphrased]: the universe/whole as a living organism. what then of nutrition. the Whole cannot find nutrition outside itself, only within itself. feed the holy jaws n that.

um, developments of material itself aside, Chad and I have been commenting on this pattern of diverging convergence or some such – as we see it in action. Tonight we were talking about the notion of developing a real I, and how development of the Personality is a part of the growth before something like conscious consciousness emerges. reminded me when i was 14 or so and going on about like deconstruction. i wanted to strip away everything and start from scratch. and S responded that one had to build an ego before one could tear it down. seemed irrelevant at the time -and I see now how there was truth, and how the seeming …

November 24th, 2009

12

the big 1-2

T’s (pre) birthday celebrations out at Mom and Dad’s. everyone conked out early (even Tristan) except me and mom. played othello and boggle and talked until about 5. got up early -10 ish and dad made a yummy pancake breakfast. T and Chad doing wii until Ch’s arm stopped working. shopping for upcoming ND trip with mom. Ch and dad cut chimney jasmine. when we got back Trister had already set up agame with dealer determining cards in each seat. as he said, we hadn’t played poker in a while. I came in second, T first. we nearly tied, though he pointed out the 4 chips I’d donated as group ante is what cost me first. much teasing and joy and everyone on an even keel at the same time, enjoying each other’s company. mom and i relating about expecting respective biz’s to be slow this time-of-year, turning out equally surprisingly very busy –and other bits about …

November 22nd, 2009

crazy deadlines, Forerunner-Spirit

omg don’t know how i’m gonna get this project the rest of the way up before I leave. Am going to end up putting in something like 60 hours and that’s a lot of just sitting navigating through a bazillion tabs and apps for just one project. Plus I’ve taken on a smaller one I’m to have a working prototype up for by tomorrow. yay. been at it for over 12 hours, mixed projects and turns out a main component for the main project doesn’t fucking work as tested. So time out to find another one. Took a break for food other than snacking, and will now reclaim my computer space by thinking about something other than work, at least for a few minutes.

Haven’t had much time for reading this week, but managed a few chapters last night. so this Forerunner-spirit as Mouravieff calls it. John the Baptist when there were a few, and then there were many. these …

November 16th, 2009

falltime crunch

only two weeks until the trip North. not enough time! business is always slower just about now, but think i have secured the necessary jobs to take me through into Dec and through our Week of Skinny Puppy celebration. been a bit nerve racking though. Just so many expenses this time of year, haven’t added to the savings account in a week and a half. haven’t had much time to do anything but work, except got some good stuff done this weekend instead of just lazing around trying to recover from the week before.

Many thanks, Beebs, for your idea to clean. I can get pretty good at ignoring the clutter, but it does feel so good to have bare spaces. And thanks for putting up some of your collection stuff (CDs and all that) because it’s just so much more spacious feeling. Not enough thanks in the world for your tackling the gross top priorities that you did, …

November 10th, 2009

all i need is a clone of myspace.com – my budget is $60. This shouldn’t be a problem for someone who really knows what they’re doing

[today's seemingly random title is a take on my favorite type of job posting found on the various freelance sites (for how perfectly greedy, egocentric and unreasonable these types of postings are) ---today this little vent is about taking on DIY noob clients, where I come up with really workable, custom solutions for a multifaceted CMS site, within their limited budget (not $60, but still much less than many developers  (with lesser and equal skills) would have done it for), and what do I get but nit picking and much of the work is lost on them because they refuse to RTFM  I do provide. // all the niftiness of the CMS coding is lost on them and I get bitched at. what a crock]  !!! </rant>

today’s playlist -wanna listen? -some general patton vs. the x-ecutioners, a bit of interpol, skinny puppy, def tones, ohgr, 311, msi…

Gnosis update:

so I think i mentioned before how I’ve read that Gurdjieff …

November 4th, 2009

temperance

tarot has been really clear, like a mirror catching every little thing going on in my life, so that’s interesting (not that i use it very much at all, but I can seem to tell when it will be clear or muddy the last couple times I sat down with it). came up with a single card: temperance. again and again: patience. I’d asked how I’m to realign things to the film (referring to my last general post ->this one) so that we can get on with getting to know each other, since those signs have not changed, are still on course as far as I can see. Except I have to grope around in the dark talking to myself rather than have a conversation, because: as you wish.

there’s nothing i can say to prove the truth of the relevance and how it’s not going to just go away, but if it is to be, you will come …

November 2nd, 2009

and onto the mesoteric

Finished Gnosis I (exoteric).

some notes:

reincarnation. i remember saying that I didn’t understand reincarnation: if i am not cohesive enough to remember a past life, then how can who I recycle into be any more connected to my past lives, than to any other person’s past lives? It seems Mouravieff has provided yet another bit that finishes another jigsaw of mine, this one regarding reincarnation; destiny and free will.

M talks about one’s life being a film loop –not that the lifetime happens over and over again, but from our understanding, that’s about the gist of it, though experientially it would not seem that way : once we graduate from the predestined track, that’s that; there isn’t a need to be aware of all the parallel selves running around like robots, gathering data; we’re the us we are whenever we reach critical mass, not the earlier reactionary critters. And if we’re happy enough with life to never question the film …

November 1st, 2009